I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
