he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
