My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
