And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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