dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
