giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
