you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
