a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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