i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
