So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
