I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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