So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
