Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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