hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
