matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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