Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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