Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
