went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
birth control should be required to get into college
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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