Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
