There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think your dad took our porno
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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