And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize