They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
