i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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