This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
