i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
