Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
