I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
