he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
