The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
