I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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