He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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