I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
