Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
