i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
