You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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