Where is the hickey?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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