Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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