A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
