I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
