I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
