I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
