haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
