is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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