i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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