Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
