butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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