I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
