sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What a dumb baby whore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
