Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
