she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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