I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
