She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
