people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
