we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
