I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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