Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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