white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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