Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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