Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
