I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
