dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
