i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
