if i can run in heels then i can drive
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
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