whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
