you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
