Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
