He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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