Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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