We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
