Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
