I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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