dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
