so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
